mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
