I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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