both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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