WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
