It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
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