i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize