He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
