I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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