Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
