Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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