and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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