Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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