she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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