Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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