remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
