Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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