I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
