just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
