i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
