new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
