Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
