I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
