If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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