I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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