I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
