So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
