I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
