She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
