You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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