Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
