Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
