i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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