oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
