u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
