WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
