wanna go halves on a baby?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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