i may or may not be watching the land before time
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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