how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
