she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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