Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
NoShamevember. You game?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
