:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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