I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
