Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
worst night to have a conscience
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
