Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
