i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
