i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
