exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
