Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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