What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize