i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
