Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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