i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize