That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
