Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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