Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can I color on your dick again?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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