Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
