hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
