Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize