Where is the hickey?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
