I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
