it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Come share oat with me in your robe
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
