Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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