There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
