Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
