she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
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