yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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