just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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