u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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