Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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