I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
