weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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