That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
