Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
