If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
