Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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