The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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