does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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