Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize