i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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