is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
