sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
