You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
